A few months ago I was moaning through the group chat about how frustrated I was that I couldn't seem to get writing. No matter how long I sat and tried, I just couldn't get my creative writing to flow like it used to. In response to this, Rosie suggested I read "Big Magic" by Elizabeth Gilbert. In fact, she was so passionate about the book that she bought it for me as a gift, just to make sure I actually read it. I did, and it's helped me see where I was going wrong.
I've always loved writing, it was a kind of escape. I could create my own world with my words and anything could happen. However, this doesn't mean I was very good at it... not at all. When I read back my old writing, I cringe at the number of mistakes I've made but also sit there feeling proud of the fact that I've managed to improve so much on my own. Having lived in Spain since I was eight, I didn't receive an English education. Meaning a lot of what I have learned has been on my own, mainly through reading.
Anyway, even though my writing wasn't great I wrote a lot. The first blog I ever had was a creative writing one on Tumblr. I would sit and write a short chapter of my story every night, and happily post it on my blog for my one reader to enjoy. However, life happened and I lost track of it and I've struggled to get back into it. I adore writing and that's one of the reasons I love blogging, but I want to be able to get back into my creative writing too. I want to create my own world with my words again and the fact that I just felt like I was hitting a wall every time I sat down, killed me. I felt like I'd lost a part of me.
So when "Big Magic" arrived at my doorstep, I was eager to get started and full of hope that this would help me, and it has.
When I first started reading it, I rolled my eyes. "Really?" I thought to myself, slowly losing hope that this book would help me at all. I kept reading though and I'm glad I did because it helped me realise what was holding me back. When I write, I'm so worried about what others are going to think when they read it or how bad it is or how many mistakes I've made, that I just hit a wall. I stop myself from writing because I fill myself with doubt trying to create something perfect and that's just not possible.
As I sit down to write, my mind starts wondering and thinking about everything that is wrong with my writing and I am just unable to let go and create. I frustrate myself and beat myself up at the thought of my writing never being good enough and that's insane!
The thing I loved most about this book is that it made me want to create again and it made me realise that no matter how hard I try, everyone will interpret what I am creating differently and that is something that I will never be able to change. So I need to enjoy what I'm doing, create it and let it go into the wild for people to read, enjoy, hate and judge all they want. Because what is important is that I enjoy the process of creating it and once it's done, I let it go and move onto my next project. Welcoming it with open arms.
Once I'd finished "Big Magic" I was eager to sit down and start writing again, I felt excited to write and that is something I hadn't felt in a long time. I never started writing for anyone, so why am I doing it now? I feel ready to write again and most importantly, I feel ready to write for myself. To create something that I enjoy, no matter how many mistakes it may contain.
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