PUTTING THE PAST BEHIND ME

Revisiting the past is not something I always enjoy. Although I do enjoy reminiscing the good old days with few friends I have left from then, I don't enjoy going back to where I was emotionally and mentally. I've come a fair way since then, so I should be proud, but that doesn't make it any easier to step back in to.


In February my mum and I went back to our house in Spain to pack up all our stuff and bring it back to the U.K. We were only there for a week but it felt like so much longer and it wasn't fun at all.
Writing is something that I've always enjoyed. Before I started blogging I would write for myself, my way of expressing how I feel is through my writing. So when I came across all my old note books, I also came across all my old feelings.

It was weird to read, to realize how unhappy I actually was and no one around me actually knew because I've always been great at pretending to be okay. I read through it all reminding myself of a time that I didn't even want to be on this planet. It made me feel happy of where I am today, but also upset that I felt like that and, to be honest, I sometimes feel like that now. The difference is, is that back then it was a constant feeling and now it's just the odd day. Hopefully I'll talk about that time in my life more in detail when I feel ready to share it.


Going through all my old notebooks and binning them felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders that I didn't even know was there. Getting rid of old stuff and leaving Spain behind makes me feel like I'm starting a new chapter in life, one that I'm really looking forward to writing.

I can safely say that I have no regrets moving back to the U.K. Spain was not the place for me, I never really felt at home, I always felt like an outsider. The U.K feels like home, and I am more than happy to be here. I feel like my life has been on hold and now it's finally started moving forward. I'm finally starting to feel like I want to go out and do things. I've made some amazing friends, and I'm finally becoming who I want to be.

I feel happy where I am right now.