Blogmas Day 20 || Why It's Bethan's Blog

If you've been around here for a while, you'll know that when I first started this blog I did it under the name Bethan, hence the name "It's Bethan's Blog". Even my name on every social media platform was Bethan and I never showed my face. I wanted a place to share my thoughts and feelings anonymously. However, the more confident I got in the blogging world, the more I shared and I started posting photos of myself and eventually shared my real name. Sometimes I can't help but think that I should never have mixed my real life with my blog and other times I'm glad I did.

I started blogging under a fake name because I wanted a place I would feel safe to be myself, I know ironic right? I felt more comfortable sharing my words when people didn't actually know who I was. Not so much because of the people I don't know that may read my blog but more in case someone I know found my blog and had a read. 

Eventually, it came out that I have a blog and everyone in my life has been pretty good about it, I've never really been mocked because of it. My sister didn't really understand it at first and thought it was weird, but after seeing me work on it and hearing more about it, she fully supports me. Which is great. 

Unfortunately, I find myself worrying that I can't talk about certain things or post certain things, as people that I know in real life may read it. Which is ridiculous, it's not like I'm sharing my darkest secrets, I kinda just want to share more of my thoughts and experiences and for some reason, I feel weird doing it when people I know in real life may read it. 

Writing has always been an outlet for me, ever since I remember. I've always written how I felt, I had so many notebooks filled with experiences and thoughts. I started blogging as another outlet, not only to share the things I enjoy like beauty and fashion but also just to have a place to think out loud and hope someone else has a read and maybe feels the same way. So why am I stopping myself from doing this now? I want my blog to be where I can share my personal experiences too and not just the latest beauty product I've been loving. 

I always find writing to be so intimate, like you're sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone. Maybe this is why I struggle to accept that people I know may read it because it feels so very private. The amount of personal posts I've written up but never posted is insane! I've written about my feelings, my first break up, anxiety, and never posted any of it. 

Do you ever feel this way when it comes to your blog? If so, how do you deal with it? I know a lot of people have started off blogging under a different name but slowly opened up about it.